Ashley Cole: Boooooooooo!!!

 

So poor Ashley was booed by those nasty men who always ruin his game. If I was him I would have picked up my ball and gone home, that would have shown them. Bollocks, how can a man so devoid of any of the most basic human decencies, integrity, honesty, faithfulness the list goes on be upset by a few paying fans booing such a monumental cock up. What if those boos are still ringing in his ears the next time he considers such an ill conceived back pass (it could be 0-0 against Brazil in a world ciup quarter final) and he thinks again and lumps into row Z an we don’t concede a needless goal? Would they be so mindless and unfair then? I don’t think so.

Anyway if there was ever a footballer who deserved booing on any occasion even if he’s playing well (when was the last time that happened by the way?) the that player is Ashley Cole. The way he left Arsenal, The Book (good God The Book!), the Mike Reilly incident “There’s my name, fucking book me, go on fucking book me” the man is sheer class on a stick and for me the biggest blight on this arsehole his treatment of the fragrant, lovely Cheryl Tweedy. What was she thinking?

I suggest ritual booing of Asley Cole becomes prevelant around the country, even at Stamford Bridge where he is far from the most popular player even among the Chelsea die hards. Fuck me, he earns a hundred grand a week, plays for Chelsea and Enlgland and is married to Cheryl. I feel another one coming on BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I bet that hurt eh Ashley.

The Premiership: Is The Iceland Meltdown The Beginning Of The End?

So West Hams Icelandic owner is now skint, they owe £32 million to Sheffield Utd, have a squad the size of a Rekjavik suburb and a wage bill higher than the annual cod income of Iceland. Ok, I’ve used some artistic licence there but the point is valid. Is this just the tip of the iceberg? Who’s next? Will the credit crunch mark a Premiership avalanche into the abyss of debt, insolvency and closure?

We all pay for the Premiership, through tickets, replica shirts and Sky but what we pay isn’t enough, your favourite Premiership club is almost certainly insolvent. It’s out goings are bigger than it’s incomings. It is almost certainly propped up each month by your freindly, band wagon jumping billionaire. Man City and Chelsea are probably ok as long as thier benefactors don’t get bored or shot (behind you Roman). The rest? Can you really be sure theira fortunes aren’t tied up in one of the hundreds of banks across the world that are collapsing? Trust me West Hams current predicament won’t be the last and when it does go wrong as at Newcastle who will pick up the pieces? They are hardly breaking down Mike Ashleys door are they? Do you think he actually opened one of those spam e-mails “My brother is a king in Nigeria and we need to deposit £400 million pounds in your bank. Please send you bank details to Nigeria Bank acct no 12345567. It is safe and you can trust me. Adebola Mbwenga” I digress but again the point is valid.

The reality is that Premiership football is a money pit, virtually no clubs make money, Chelsea has cost Abramovich half a billion and continues to run at a loss. Mike Ashley has propped up Newcastle, paid of old debt and been abused to the point that he has to sell. There are so many clubs owned by overseas wealth that the playing field has been levelled to the point where financial investment no longer guarantees success. Jack Walker brought Blackburn the title when he was the ONLY one. Now if there are 15 clubs with huge backing one of them will finish 15th which is no reward in the bank balance or the ego.

I suggest you look beyond the back pages and start reading the financial columns and find out where your sugar daddy stashes his cash.  West Ham should have seen the writing on the wall, any link with Kerry Katona, however tenuous, should have been a warning. Mmmm frozen prawns.

Euro 2008: Do You Think We’re Being Missed?

I don’t know about you but I’m thoroughly enjoying Euro 2008. It’s not just the absence of that impending sense of doom that surrounds following England in major tournaments. You know the painful 1-1 draw in the first group game, the last minute winner against the undrerdogs and the inevitable penalty shoot out defeat. No, it’s not the lack of reports of England “supporters” destroying a small Austrian village in a xenophobic, beer fuelled ramapge. No, not the masses of St George Crosses that appear on cars and houses across the land (you never actually see them on St Georges day). None of these things are making this one of the most enjoyable tournaments in some time, IT’S THE FOOTBALL.

The wonderful Dutch, total football reborn. Is that really Giovanni van Bronckhorst running the full length of the pitch to score? Sneijder, van Nistelrooy and then there’s Arjen Robben, Mourinho ended up not trusting and then selling this magical footballer, he really wasn’t special was he? God help the rest of Europe if Robben ends up on the opposite wing to Ronaldo for Real Madrid!

Talking of Ronaldo there’s Portugal, an entertaining, attacking side who back themselves to score more than the opposition. Deco in the midfield and Pepe at the back (also now with Real Madrid, how much is a season ticket at the Bernabeu?)  Both teams are just a pleasure to watch, fluid attacking football, fantastic on the break and full of genuinely talented footballers.

Add the ruthless Germans, the unpredictable French, the inspired Spanish, the spirit, desire and skill of the Croatians. In fact take out the two host countries and every team has a quality and attitude that puts our overpaid, pampered and by comparison talentless English stars to shame. The Swedes and Rumanians play to their strengths with passion. The Greeks and Turks give a shit and despite an apparent lack of talent managed to qualify and have given a good account of themselves. Switzerland and Austria are out of their depth but I would still give them both a fair chance against England.

Ask yourself how many of our “stars” would warrant a starting place in any of the expected quarter finalists teams? Is Rooney as good as Podolski or Villa? Where is our Torres, Henry, Toni or even Ibrahimovic? Joe Cole our only truly expressive player falls a million miles short of Ronaldo, Robben and Ribery. How about “Super Frank” and “Stevie G”? Their lack of mobility, creativity, flair, basic control and possession leaves them trailing in the wake of Deco, Fabregas, Sneijder, Modric, Ballack, Xavi……shall I go on? OK how about JT? The footballing lump of wood, immobile, no apparent skill on the ball and little pace, he might just replace Senderos in the middle of the Swiss defence but apart from that he is a footballing dinosaur in this company. The only English player who would warrant a place in most of these teams is the impeccable, hugely skillful and grossly underappreciated in his own country, Rio Ferdinand.

So as the group stages come to and end I can’t wait for the quarter finals, exicitng, attacking, skillful football played at a frightening pace. No not the English Premiership but the best of the Premiership without the English. We might have the best league in the world, you could argue we have the best clubs, but the best players? I don’t think so.

Mr Capello must be looking forward to the qualifiers but I for one don’t expect us to beat Croatia once, never mind twice but you know what I could quite get used to watching major tournaments without England it really is much more fun!

Eduardo da Silva: Taylor Ill Suited To Cut His Cloth In The Premiership

 

 Many words have been written about “The Injury” this weekend. Some sense and some bollocks, I have tried to let my initial feelings subside before making my mind up and this is my view.

The pace of the Premiership is frightening, the top players athleticism, balance and sheer speed turns them into willo the wisps, there one minute, gone the next. Top defenders, Ferdinand, Woodgate, and their like rely on equal speed of thought and action to combat this, hardly if ever resorting to the kind of ill judged lunge perepetrated by Martin Taylor. My honest view is that Taylor aware of his inadequacy, wound up by his manager (the tackle was just 2 minutes into the game) and desperate not to be made a fool of took a split second decision fueled by adrenaline to stop Eduardo. If you have played the game at any level you KNOW that when you launch into that kind of shin high lunge that the ball is not your primary concern. Timing played no part, the ball and the player become one and stopping them at whatever cost is the choice that Taylor made.

The consequences for Eduardo we have all seen, it could have been Walcott or Adebayor or Ronaldo or Lennon or Joe Cole the list goes on. It boils down to one point, Martin Taylor is not good enough to be allowed on the same pitch as these players and this tackle as we have seen this season is becoming more prevelant and I guarantee WILL happen again. Wengers initial “What is he doing on a football pitch?” comment actually meant “What is he doing on a football pitch with MY players?”

The massive gap in the Premiership between the top clubs and those whose only purpose is to avoid relegation has many issues none less than in a large number of games with players going into them knowing they can’t win. You have professional sportsmen knowing they’re not good enough and managers winding them up to stop the opposition. It is a recipe for what happened on Saturday. The answer? There isn’t one, we can’t have a Premier Premiership involving 6 or 7 teams that can compete with each other on the same level. A European Super League? Ronaldo v Maldini every week, Adebayor v Cannavaro? It’s certainly more of a contest than Taylor v Eduardo. These are decisions for the talking heads at the FA and UEFA to consider.

Eduardo never stood a chance but nor did Martin Taylor, he knows his thought processes before he dived in half way up Eduardos leg, he knows what led him to make that decision. I would bet that the first 5 minutes of that game had been on his mind for some time “Let them know they’re in a game.” A career nearly finished in a flash because he knew he didn’t have the required skill to stop an opponent of that class. Eduardo will be lucky if he’s the same player again as well!

The New England Kit: Come In No. 6, Your Time Is Up.

 

England played a home game in their new Umbro away shirt in Wednesdays international against Switzerland. Many people may have thought this a victory for the marketing men. I say not so, was Fabio Capello being slightly mischeivous in his selection? Umbro announced their new shirt in a fanfare of publicity hoping to rescue the diasaster of Englands non qualificaton for Euro 2008. There were the usual suspects, Terry number 6 (not available), Richards number 2 (not selected), Owen number 10 (not selected) and Cole (J) number 11 (selcted number 11). From memory the last kit was also available in Beckham 7 ( not selected) Lampard 8 (not available), Rooney 9 (selected number 9) and Gerrard 4 (selected number 10).

Is Capello as annoyed as I am that Umbro assume which England player will wear which shirt and then the players assume that their place in the England team is a given because JJB say so? I do hope so. I think it was a great start and the sight of Capello arms folded, not accepting mediocrity was one to cherish.

This marketing nonsense must stop so keep messing with the marketing boys Fabio and keep those pampered, prima donnas on their toes.

Tom Huddlestone: Were You Watching Fabio?

 

Anyone who has stumbled across my musings on the English game will be more than aware of my pessimissm regarding the national team. It is with no pleasure that I was right in my assertion that we would not qualify for Euro 2008. There is however a young man learning his trade at Tottenham who gives me real cause for optimism, Tom Huddlestone.

This mountain of a young man was playing first team footbal for Derby at 16, moved seamlessly into the England Under 21 set up, flourished with limited opportunities under Martin Jol at Spurs and now looks like a young Franz Beckenbauer in the making except Huddlestone has a better range of passing and more shooting ability than The Kaiser.

His performance at centre back today for Spurs against the much vaunted Man Utd forward line was almost faultless, it was the first time he had played there this season, he is 21 years old! Fabio Capello, a man who knows football must have seen this performance and must pencil Huddlestone in for his first full cap in the up coming freindly.

Capello should be trusted as to which position is Huddlestones best, my opinion for what it’s worth is a centre back pairing of Huddlestone and Rio Ferdinand gives England the best pair of Footballing centre backs in the world as well as consigning the neanderthal John Terry to the international wilderness. With Micah Richards at right back and a fit and mentally right Ashley Cole at left back. Owen Hargreaves as a holding midfielder letting Stephen Gerrard do his thing unencombered by the dreadful Frank Lampard England will have the perfect base for our Anglo Italian revolution.

Do yourselves a favour and watch Huddlestone closely, capable of shooting with both feet, picking out a 40 yard PASS with both feet, not long ball hoof, there is a difference. He is a genuinely exciting English talent that is capable of being a true great and the heartbeat of the England team for at least 10 years, it’s a start and Huddlestone is the sort of player we are desperate for and have been unable to produce.

FA Cup Giantkillers: Heroes or Zeros

 

The 3rd and 4th rounds of the FA Cup have thrown up more unlikely heroes, lower league and amateur players taking on the big boys and bloodying their noses. Small time players making the big time in their one off finals, showing up their overpaid counterparts, every one a hero….. or are they?

I have a slightly different take on this, I think a lower league team gaining a good result against their Premiership rivals reflects badly on those from the lower leagues, let me explain. Havant and Waterloovile are a team of amateurs playing every week and quite often losing against other amateur teams. Today they lead Liverpool, twice, at Anfield, that is what they are capable of. If they played at that level every week would they be in the middle of  The Blue Square South league? I doubt it.

Theirs is no doubt a team full of hard luck stories and how they could have made it, well they didn’t. They probably have the talent as they’ve proved today but did they have that something that turns talent into performance? They are not alone, the lower leagues are full of English players discarded by bigger teams. The talent was there not the mental fortitude. This reflect badly on the English system that is unable to coach that ability to perform EVERY week not just on the big occasion. It reflects badly on a society that discourages doing your best at all times. how many kids are put off doing well by peer pressure? We laugh at success, we mock those that do well, we reap what we sow.

So it is that another team will be praised fro raising their game to a level they are probably capable of reachin every week. Don’t knock the big boys they produce week after week, question the amateurs and ask them as they surely are asking themselves tonight, why do’t you do that every week?

Fabio Capello: The Good, The Bad And The Ugly

 

He’s ridden into town like Clint Eastwood in some spaghetti western vowing to clean up the mess left by the last inept sherriff with an iron fist and all guns blazing. This is The Good, The Bad And The Ugly starring Fabio Capello.

The Good 

It goes without saying that Capellos cv is as good if not better than any other manager in world football. I believe that the FA and Brian Barwick would have be negligent in their duty had they not employed this man once he made himself available. The national team is bereft of ideas, full of over inflated egos and in desperate need of the big stick treatment. It will be fascinating to watch players who think their place is a right because you can buy an England shirt from JJB with their name and number on the back (this nonsense MUST stop by the way) faced with a man who doesn’t give a shit for their unearned reputation.

David Beckham was unfit and unable to play for Real Madrid, England or even LA Galaxy when Capello dropped him unceremoniously from Madrids side. Beckham knew Capello was right, learnt his lesson, went away and got fit and produced 3 months of his best ever football taking Madrid to the La Liga title. If Capello is able to man manage the 12 or 13 English players with genuine talent (while avoiding injuries) and mould them in his vision then whisper it quietly England could genuinely challenge for the world cup in 2010.

The Bad 

The clue was in the last sentance, “12 or 13 English players with genuine talent”. What will Capello make of his first training session when he sees Wayne “one foot” Bridge or David “no pace” Nugent go through their paces? He’ll watch Premiership games desperate to see something resembling English talent outside the current squad and be met by Marcus Bent and his type as the only alternative. He could well resign before the first game. Capellos success has been built on utilising the best Italy, Spain and the world had to offer. You can shout, scream and intimidate a donkey but it will never become Desert Orchid.

Unfortunately Capello isn’t English. International football should as Gareth Southgate said mean English players, English Manager, English kitman top to bottom. The FA however aren’t breaking any rules so while I would have loved to see Redknapp and Adams begin an era of English management to take us through the next ten years, Capello is the best alternative. Will he care about the grass roots of the English game? Of course not he’ll be long gone by the time todays kids are breaking in to the England team for 2018. The FA must appoint an Englishman to work independently putting our youth structure right.

The Ugly

Having made an appointment that couldn’t really have been argued against the FA once again managed to mess up. Why oh why did they have to offer so much money and a four and a half year contract? Did they not learn from Sven? Are they so unsure of themselves that they couldn’t have stood firm with a two year contract based on performance? Get us to the World Cup Finals and you get your bonus. Win it and you can have Lancaster Gate, anything but not this. If he gets it wrong he walks away richer and we’re still stuffed, unbelievable.

I hope Fabio can add “successfull international manager” to his cv in 4 and half years time, I hope he has the luck needed to win something for England but in reality I feel we are going to be in this same place in 2 years time. He won’t be able to round up a strong enough possee from the available hombres to complete his task. Fabio will ride out of town with his bags full of the towns loot and the sound of gunfire from the angry locals ringing in his ears.

Injury Time: Englands Miracle Men Make Me Sick!

 

Having sifted through thousands of words blaming McClarens ineptidude, the pitch, the youth structure, Brian Barwick, The FA , those pesky Croatians just being too good, poor Scott “Lamb to the Slaughter” Carson, gutless overpaid players, Wayne ”One Foot” Bridge the endless list goes on and on and agreeing that it was hopeless; I had an epiphany on Saturday evening watching Match Of The Day.

Could that really be Rio Ferdinand playing for Man Utd against Bolton? I must be seeing things he wasn’t fit for England. Then clear as day was John Terry and Ashley Cole turning out for Chelsea in their vital match against the mighty Derby County? “Keep off the Stella Dave” I mused, you’re halucinating next it will be UFO’s and celestial beings. No I wasn’t halucinating read this and dismiss all other reasons for Englands inability to draw against Croatia.

THREE QUARTERS OF ENGLANDS FIRST CHOICE DEFENCE WERE FIT ENOUGH TO PLAY FOR THEIR CLUBS LESS THAN THREE DAYS AFTER BEING DECLARED UNFIT FOR ENGLAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????????

Analysis required:

1/ Who decided Rio, The Skipper and Ashley weren’t fit for Wednesday? We must assume it was their clubs as surely England would have got them on the pitch somehow in a game of that importance. If they weren’t fit then England don’t need to look for a new manager they just need to employ the medical wizards that got these injured stars fit in 72 hours! That way never again would we have to line up with inferior reserves in such a vital game.

2/ Who questioned their lack fitness? We must assume that Steve McClaren tried everything to get his best team out for his career defining match. Did he phone Fergie? Did he question Rio’s medical report? If not why not? Did Brian Barwick or anyone at the FA insist that their own medical staff decided whether the 3 musketeers really were unable to play? We know the answer of course they didn’t, they meekly backed away bowing and scraping and accepted that they weren’t fit.

3/ Did Rio Ferdinand, John Terry and Ashley Cole insist that they were fit and that they wanted to play? John Terry makes a lot of noise about how important playing for England is, sorry John that’s bollocks! If the games were reversed i.e. Chelsea on the Wednesday and England on the Saturday I guarantee they would have played for their clubs then dropped out for England at the weekend.

This is the absolute crux of the England teams demise, it stands firmly in second place behind the clubs as a priority. It won’t change and we have to accept it. There is no doubt that Englands best 14 players could have gained a draw with Croatia whoever was in charge, the other issues remain and will continue to hurt England in future qualifying games. McClaren is an idiot, media trained to say and do nothing but his hands were tied. Unless we get someone with a backbone (Harry Redknapp is my personal preference) who will stand up to self serving Premiership managers and egotistical mis informed players then we are doomed to failure again and again.

These three miracles of modern medical science should never be selected for England again as a warning that being Englands number 3, 5 and 6 is not a given commercial opportunity. I would rather watch a team of players who want to play for England failing nobly a la Scotland than this bunch of underachievers treating England as a photoshoot and not the huge privelege it is.

Steve McClaren: Better To Be Lucky Than Be A Genius Part 3

Well his luck ran out didn’t it. I suppose you have to be REALLY useless to blow it even when you’ve been given that many lucky breaks.

Bye bye Steve, you won’t be missed.